Well, well, well, insomnia strikes again! And here I am sending back millions of emails, updating my website and booking more events. I tend to do all my work late at night because that is when I seem to have the most energy. Insomnia has been a big challenge in my life for the last 6 years or so. It can become really frustrating and upsetting but I have found ways to ease the intensity of it and it has helped tremendously including meditation.
I have been learning so much for the last few years. I have learned that some doors just don't open for damn good reasons and to not try to open a door that shouldn't open. I realized that when you open a door that shouldn't be opened by you, you are going to go down a path (not necessarily a spiraling, downward, negative path) but a path in which you have some soul searching & learning to do. I have kicked open, unbolted, sawed down, and even used a wrecking ball to open the damn door I wasn't suppose to open. Where the hell was my intuiton??? Was the switch off??? Oh,right... my intuition was sitting on my shoulder yelling at me "CANDACE DON'T OPEN IT!! DON'T DO IT! Ohh damnit, she opened it.... here we go again."
As I began the paths of the "do not open doors" I would find myself saying "Why me? When is the good stuff going to happen? Why is nothing ever easy? Fuck this!" I would find myself upset, uneasy, anxious, and downright disappointed in myself to the point I would over analyze everything and find myself depressed. It has taken me so long to understand the process of this. Some of you are probably laughing and saying, "She's only 25! How long did it really take her and she's got a lot more learning to do!" I ABSOLUTELY have a lot more learning to do, that will never end. But I am an old soul, I have rejoined this earth journey countless times. I have accepted that opening the wrong door isn't always a punishment but will promsingly help your soul grow. Experiences change people. You can leave it or run with it. The choice is yours. Flight or fight? Which one are you? The wrong door can give you a better understanding, sense of gratitude and worth of yourself. What will you tolerate? What do you approve of or disapprove of in your life? What changes need to be made? How much do you actually truly love yourself? What feeds your soul with goodness? There is no right or wrong here on this Earth Journey just a longer detour to the better road the lies ahead!
For a long time I thought I was flighting when actually I was fighting. I was fighting for what was BEST FOR ME. Letting go of anything that no longer serves me felt like I was flighting. I have accepted that putting your soul first is not selfish and that once you put your soul first you can happily, graciously and effortlessly help others. If you are downright beat to the ground with no sense of worth, happiness, understanding, willing to learn, or accept and appreciate yourself, you'll never be able to fight back.
It all starts with IN-TU-I-TION. James Van Praagh has taught me that Intuition means INTO THE SOUL.
If you begin actually trusting your intuiton- that gut feeling deep in the core of your belly, you will find yourself making wiser soul journey choices for yourself. How do I do that you ask? First off, surrender. I have finally surrendered to forgiving myself for being so hard on my soul. Next, learn to LOVE yourself. That isn't a self centered thing to do. Once you do that your heatlth, happiness,emotional awareness will begin to incline. Remove anything from your life that no longer serves you. You aren't going to do this in a day, it is going to take time so give yourself permission to be patient! Also very important is meditation, finding balance, and creating your space. The rest is up to you. I am not capable of giving you the handbook guide because there is no such thing. There is no guideline- wouldn't that be nice! As we all mumble.."That would make life a whole hell of a lot easier."